A unicorn what?
UnicornCocks™ is a proud collective of environmentally conscious mythical creatures that have come together to help tackle our planet’s growing plastics problem.
When detached and dried, the unicorn penis naturally forms into a hard, narrow cylinder. Much like a metal straw. We realised that our magical members could be repurposed to make plastic straws a thing of the past, and keep your mouth socially distanced from wild urban glassware.
Are these really unicorn cocks?
Would a unicorn lie?
How much does shipping cost?
We ship free for all untracked orders within Australia. We know a unicorn who knows a guy at the post office. International orders will be charged a cheeky little fee. The post office guy doesn't like us THAT much.
When will my UnicornCock™ arrive?
We know you’re keen to start sucking on a UnicornCock™. It’s for our planet after all. Our stock is all here in Oz, so Australian orders should arrive in around 2 - 5 business days. If you don’t receive your package package after 7 business days, write us an angry email at firstname.lastname@example.org
International shipping times
International orders could take up to a few weeks - particularly now that Covid is cockblocking us at every turn. We don't have too much control over international shipping delays right now, but if it's been a ridonk amount of time, please reach out and we'll try our best to get your sorted.
How do I keep my UnicornCock™ clean?
Good question. Cock hygiene is incredibly important, as we all know. Your UnicornCock™ comes with a handy little cleaner, made from unicorn pubes (the purest pubes on the planet). Just pass it under some running water, and don’t forget to pay extra attention to the head.
Are UnicornCocks™ more hygienic?
Yup. Bringing your own straw to a venue is a great way to avoid germs left on grubby glassware or those manky venue-supplied straws sitting in a cup on the counter getting up to god knows what business when you’re not looking.
Plus, Unicorn Cocks™ have been shown to be eleventy times more hygienic than your standard reusable straw due to their magical properties*.
*Source: The Narnia Journal of Sciencing & Witch Burning,1693.
What are UnicornCocks™ made from?
Unlike cheaper imitations, our UnicornCocks™ contain 100% pure penis. But if you want to get technical, a dried and cured unicorn cock has a similar chemical composition to stainless steel. Just with more magic.
How many turtles will I save?
Look, maths was never our strong suit. What we can tell you is that each time you suck a UnicornCock™ instead of a plastic straw, negative a billion turtles won’t die. Does that help clarify your question?